When I was a little girl, I believed in fairy tales... that fantasy of what life would be. White dress, a prince charming who would carry me away to a castle on a hill. I would lie in bed at night and close my eyes and had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close I could taste them, but one day the fairy tale disappeared. It's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because we all have that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day we will open our eyes and it will come true. Then one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. This life, with all of its complexities, may be the fairy tale after all, because the journey is the best part. It's Happily Ever After...right now.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Leave Me Wishing Still

On the drive to work today, I heard a song that made me feel happy and sad at the same time.  Happy, because it reminded me of my dad.  Sad, because it reminded me of my dad...
 
Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you
 
I smiled as I sat at a redlight listening to the song, and wondered what I would do with Dad if I had him to myself for a day.  Knowing me, the very first thing I would do is start stressing about how much I could realistically pack into one day!  Then, after Dad reminded me not to "get awl spun up abaght it," I'd relax.  I'd tell him that I know how much he misses everyone, and I know how he likes everything to be fair, but this is just my day with you Dad.  Whew-- got that out of the way.
 
First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you
 
What would I tell him?  That the boys have grown into great men?  That I have a Grandgirl and she is such a blessing in my life?  That I'll soon have another Princess ?  That Bro #1 reminds me of him so much it's scary?  Nah--- Dad already knows all that stuff.  As the song on the radio finished, I decided that the thing I would do is fall into his arms and hug him.  This time, I'd memorize the feeling so that it would never fade away and I could remember it always and exactly.  I'd stare into his blue eyes and tell him, Thank you for eloping with my mom, for loving her for over 50 years, and for not thinking that three kids were enough!  Thanks for encouraging me, and loving on me, and being so damn strict with me (never thought I'd say that!). You were such a great Dad and you had more influence on more lives than you ever realized.  I see you in my sons and it warms my heart.  I miss you, and I love you bunches.  And he'd say, "I love you too, Doll."
 
I've been thinking about you and smiling all day. 

 
One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you....
 
 
In Bliss & Grace, Shugie
 
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousJuly 29, 2013 at 1:43 PM

    No lol, I laughed out loud, really I did at "thanks for not thinking three kids were enough."

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  2. AnonymousJuly 30, 2013 at 11:24 AM

    I asked my dad once why they had five kids, hoping he'd give me this great romantic story about how he'd always wanted a big family. His response, "Eh, after three, what's the difference?" Being number four, I choose to interpret that to mean, "I just really wanted another girl to pamper and spoil, and here you are!!"

    As the saying goes... Humans have an infinite capacity for self-deception. I am okay with this. :)
    ~Shugie

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