Remember when I used to *blink* ?

We all go through phases in life.  When I was a little girl I had a mayonnaise sandwich phase, and that’s all I ate for months.  I also had a Barbie phase (though come to think of it, that didn’t completely go away, it was just dormant for a while).  I had a Shawn Cassidy phase and an I Dream of Jeannie phase.  Time and time again I tried to fold my arms and “blink” my little brother away, but it never worked for me.  Little known fact that in the 80’s I had a headband phase.  Not the hold my hair back kind of headband… it was the I’m as cool as Pat Benetar kind of headband.   Yea… I rocked it (my offspring rolling their eyes here).  I had a ‘shock my Dad phase.’  He wanted me to be a CPA.  I hated numbers, so I told him I wanted to be a welder (silent dinner that night).  I had a punk rock phase that didn’t last long.  I also had a blue eye shadow phase- thankfully not a lot of pics of that brief phase.  There was a phase when I wanted to move to Ethiopia and teach.  This made sense in my 16 year old mind, though I see now that elementary schools probably weren’t a priority in Ethiopia at the time. 

I have had a “what-if” phase.  I what-if’d all kinds of things.  What if I lose my job?  What if I win the lottery?  What if I lose my job but then win the lottery?  What if they quit making Barbies?!
  

Very different from the “what-if” phase is my “if-then” phase.  If I buy a new car, then will my insurance costs go up?  If I’m late, then will I have to reschedule?  If I don’t talk to Grandgirl often enough, then will she forget me? 

Lately however, I find myself in the “Remember When” phase.  I hated when my parents hit this phase, and saw no purpose in their reminiscing about what no longer is.  Alas, I now find myself there, in the land of Remember When…

I walk out to the mailbox and remember when we moved into the house.  I can still see 3 year old Offspring #1 standing on his tiptoes and barely reaching into the mailbox, then running down the driveway with one letter in his hand and the rest of the mail trailing on the ground behind him.

As I wash dishes I look out at the deck and remember when there was a snowstorm that dumped three feet of snow in our neighborhood.  The boys jumped off of the second story deck into the snow.  We were snowed in for days; we made snow cream and watched movies.

I remember when Offspring #2 drove out of the driveway headed toward college.  He was giddy with excitement, and I tried hard to be excited, too. 

I remember when I held my dad’s hand for the last time.  I remember when I ran my first 5K.  I remember when the Sunday School bus picked me up each week.  I remember when Offspring #2 was wheeled into surgery.  I remember when there was no grocery store in our town.  I remember when I saw Grandgirl for the very first time.  I remember when MTV played music videos all day.  I remember when Polaroid cameras were amazingly cool.  I remember when the boys heard that we were getting divorced.  I remember when I knew I loved the Lord.  I remember when Offspring #1 moved out of state. I remember when I graduated from college.  I remember when dad brought home a surprise in his lunchbox for me every day.  I remember when I put the boys’ handprints in the wet sidewalk cement.  I remember when BFFfromHS puked in my bed in the middle of the night!  I remember when I thought it was ridiculous to remember when. 

I hope this phase lasts a while, as it's likely the precursor to the I don't remember that phase.  With any luck, the blue eye shadow days will be the first to go.

In Bliss, Shugie

A year, ten years from now, I'll remember this...

~Adrienne Rich