I want a mulligan

#1's first day of third grade
#2's first day of kindergarden

I miss my kids... literally.  I miss watching lacrosse games in the rain.  I miss baking chocolate chip cookies three times a week.  I miss hearing them argue at whose turn it is to do dishes (and remember vividly how Offspring #1 begged for lasagna one time, and only later did I realize it was because Offspring #2 was on dish duty that night).  I miss watching them stand back to back to see who is taller.  I miss watching them arm wrestle.  I miss breakfast in bed on Mother's Day with 2 proud sons, Cheerios and a cup of yesterday's leftover coffee.  I miss teaching them how to dance.  I miss letting them fingerpaint with pudding on the kitchen table.  I miss letting them smear shaving cream on the sliding glass doors.  I miss watching them blow on the automatic doors at the grocery, because that's how I told them that you get the door to open.  I miss taking pictures of them on the first day of school each year.

When the boys were in elementary school, Offspring #1 thought it was funny to teach his 3 year old sibling naughty words.  That was, until I told him that every time his brother repeated one of those words, HE was the one who would be grounded.

Five-year-old Offspring #2 took great pride in telling on his brother for playing with matches.  For weeks, he told people that he had "saved my big brother's life!" by tattling. 

Celebrating #1's college graduation

Forever emblazoned in my memory is seeing them standing nose to nose, as a punishment for fighting.  Within a minute they would be giggling. 

These boys are now grown men.  One lives a few miles away and one lives a thousand miles away.  I find myself always in a state of missing...  If I'm cooking out on a Sunday with Offspring #2, I'm wishing that Offspring #1 and Grandgirl were there to complete the day.  If I'm having fun with Offspring #1 and Grandgirl back east, I'm thinking how much better it would be if Offspring #2 was there, too. 

When we are all together, all is well in the universe.  I'm happy to sit by and watch them talk and laugh (I'm still not a fan of the "remember when" game, but tolerate it only because they enjoy it so much).  These grown men love each other, and seeing this first hand gives me immeasurable joy.

I'd give anything to wake up at 4:00 am on Christmas morning to the boys jumping on my bed screaming, "Santa came!!" Though now that I think of it, that's exactly what they are likely to do when we are all together again this Christmas.

The good life

In Bliss, Shugie