Cinderfreakinrella

Do you ever have one of those very meaningful conversations with the Lord, about intensely important subjects like health; a career change; or poverty in Thailand?  Well, I had a conversation with the Lord today, and it was nothing like that.  My conversation with the Lord was about SHOES.

I’m flying to Chicago this afternoon to visit Offspring #1 and the grandgirl.  Given this, the available time for my bi-monthly manicure was a bit limited.  Because I have my priorities straight, I left work at 10:30 to “run errands,” which every girly girl on the planet knows is code for something related to hair or nails.   My nail salon is next to my favorite shoe department, and I strategically pass by the shoes on my way to my appointment.  I drool over the sexy heels and touch them as I walk by.  Then I see it….that magical four letter word:  SALE.  Though there is nothing I specifically need, I’m heading toward the sale table when I see them:  black boots.  (You men can stop reading now, because nothing else that I’m going to say will make any sense to you.  Women… you may want to take notes).  I already have some boots.  In fact, I already have black boots.  These boots, are flat with studs on them.  Yes, really!  I check the price- $159, $89, $55.  It’s as if the Lord has his very hand on them, offering them up to me! I’m crunched for time, and though I want them more than this season’s newest Coach bag, I put the boots down, and head to my nail appointment.  I decide if they are still there when I return, they are mine. 

As I sit through my nail appointment pretending to be a woman of leisure, I have a little chat with the Lord.  It goes like this:  You know Lord, I really want those boots.  I know I don’t need them, but I have the perfect pair of jeans for them, and I’m going on a trip, and they are on sale, and I NEVER buy myself anything!  What Lord?  Well, those two jackets and pants and pair of sunglasses that I bought last night were mostly for work, except for the sunglasses and I’m just trying to protect my eyes that you blessed me with!!  That doesn’t count, right??  Okay, I do have brown boots that I could wear instead.  Yea, I’ll do that.  I mean, $55 is a deal but tuition is coming up again and I need to cut corners, and here I am getting nails done and flying out, and I’m really so blessed.  Okay.  I won’t get them. If I thought it would help, I’d stomp my foot, but somehow I don’t think the Lord will fall for that like Mr. Gotmyattention always does.  I finish up at the nail salon and head out.  Back.  Through.  The.  Shoe.  Sale. Ugh. 

Let me just say that if I were an addict (no, there isn’t such a thing as a shoe-aholoic!), I’d be dead by now because my self-control went right out the window as I walked straight up to those boots, popped off my pump and tried them on right there!  I felt like freakin’ Cinderella.  I think I heard angels, and I’m sure those two ladies next to me took a step back in awe.  I decided I deserved the damned things and marched ‘em right up to the counter, hoping the sales lady would hurry before my conscience caught up to my debit card.  It was at that moment she asked, “Would you like to put these on your Dillard’s card?” Almost spitting the word out I replied, “No.”  She looked at me sadly.  “Ohhhhhh.  Wellllllll, would you like me to hold them for you?”  I am all but hyperventilating in my hurry to make the purchase before the Lord sees me!  Do I look like I want her to forkin’ hold them??  She goes on to tell me that for those who put the purchase on their Dillard’s charge, there is an additional 40% off today.  Otherwise, she’ll have to hold them until tomorrow when the peons of the shoe world are eligible for the same discount.  Lights are going off in my head.  Forty percent off… holy catfish my mind can’t even calculate that fast but I know that the Lord has not only seen me, but he has now blessed my purchase!!  Then, I remember that I’m flying out tonight and can’t pick them up tomorrow.  I consider asking Offspring #2 to get them tomorrow, until I realize that Christian Louboutin will design for Payless before my 20 year old will pick up shoes for me.   I put them on hold and walk out… on a mission. 

I head to the car and call Mr. Gotmyattention.  Maybe he has a Dillard’s charge card.  The phone rings twice before I come to my senses—no straight male has a Dillard’s charge card.  Then, like a lightning bolt from above a name comes to mind.  Friendfromwork.  She will surely have one!  I call her knowing that not only will Friendfromwork have a Dillard’s charge, she will understand.  After a brief phone call (hardly a need for words with those who truly have the gift), I swing by the office barely slowing down as she jumps in my car and we head back to the store.  Friendfromwork flashes her card as the sales lady flashes her smile adding, “Oh.  You’re back.”  Of course I am!  These hot black boots are now only $36 and if I don’t get them today they will go into the shoe sale abyss for eeevvveeerrrr!  While Friendfromwork buys, I run (literally) to the ATM.  I’m so excited that I miscount my cha-ching three times before handing over $40.  We then walk over to the closest sales person where Friendfromwork hands me the bag o’ bootie, pays her charge bill, and hands me $4 in change.  I feel like I’ve just stolen bubble gum from the store, but my mom isn’t going to make me own up and return it.  The boots are mine! 

As we walk out of the store I hold the door for an elderly couple walking in.  Grandma stops to tell me what a great color my coral jacket is and how pretty it looks on me.  I smile and thank her.  I look over at Friendfromwork and tell her that I’m going to play the lottery today! 

This entire episode, door to door, takes 18 minutes.  God is good.

In Bliss, Shugie