Lovey Dovey

“A heart is not judged by how much you love,

but by how much you are loved by others.”

— The Wizard of Oz

Valentine's Day is just around the corner and the television and stores are barraging us with lots of lovey dovey schtick in honor of the occasion.  Flower ads border msn.com and advertisements for last minute gifts proclaim, "Today is the last day to order for on time delivery!"  The web is chock full of advice to help with your Valentine's Day, for casual daters as well as those married for decades.  Articles abound with titles such as:  How do you know if you love him?  What to do when the love is gone. How to find love!  Reality is, we all come at this differently and the question becomes:  What is love?

“Good night, sweet dreams, I love you!”  I heard this every night of my life until the day I moved out of my parents’ house.  It was the ritual closing to every day as I kissed my parents goodnight.  Usually, it was contracted to “nites’dreamsloveya.”  Nonetheless, I knew what it meant, and ending the day without saying it and hearing it back was like cookies without milk; bread without butter; Sanford with no son!

My family as a whole, are huggers.  When you walk into my parents’ house, you get hugged.  When you leave, you get hugged again.  If you take the trash out- be careful, there may be another hug when you come back in.  It’s expected, and common, and comforting all at the same time.  In addition, saying “I love you” is what we do.  If I call my brother to ask his advice, I know that before he hangs up the phone he will say, “Love you sis.”  When I talk to my mother there is no doubt that at some time before the conversation ends she will say, “Love you bunches!”  I know that when my Dad left this earth he knew how much he was loved, because he and Mother made it okay to say it, and wonderful to hear.

So it is with my sons.  When Offspring #1 calls to ask me how to get a stain out of a shirt, he says “Love you Madre” before he hangs up.  If he calls back in 4 minutes to say it didn’t work, he’ll say “Love you Madre” again at the end of the call.  Offspring #2 generally lets me say it first.  However, no matter who is in the room with him, it’s a guarantee that I’ll hear a rushed “luhyoutoo” from my 20 year old.  Ever since the boys were babies, I not only ended each day with “Nites’dreamsloveya!”  I added in, “God bless you big.”  They tolerate it well when I say it even today.

We’ve all heard that love is a many splendored thing.  Pat Benatar tells us that “Love is a Battlefield.”  In Love Story, Oliver says “love means never having to say you’re sorry.”  We know that if we love something, we should let it go… (if it comes back it’s a keeper).  Dan Burns in Dan in Real Life says, “Love is an ability.”  Of course, later in the movie his daughter later calls him a “Murderer of lovvvvvvve!”  Forrest Gump says, “I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is.” 

Wikipedia defines love as an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.   Author Stephen Covey shares, “My friend, love is a verb.  Love – the feeling – is a fruit of love the verb…”  Scripture says, Our love must not be a thing of words and fine talk. It must be a thing of action and sincerity.  1 John 3:18

So which is it?????  My theory:  all of the above.  Love is when my grandgirl and I both cry at the airport.  Love is getting coffee in the morning.  Love is sleeping on the foot of an ICU bed so that I’m as close as possible.  Love is doing laundry for adult children who could do it themselves.  Love is praying together.  Love is hearing that the flight landed safely.  Love is my mom’s egg salad.  Love is finding that the dishwasher has been emptied already.  Love is a vegetarian, cooking meat.  Love is reading the paper on Saturday morning at the local diner, with glasses and a baseball cap on.  Love is Cirque du Soleil in Vegas on a friend’s birthday.  Love is tea parties with pretend tea.  Love is hurting when my kids hurt.  Love is knowing what the mommies on the bus say.  For the tenth time.  And contrary to Oliver Barrett, love IS saying you’re sorry. 

I am blessed to have grown up in a house full of love.  I heard it in words, felt it in hugs, and saw it every single day.  My parents taught five children to love and be loved.  It's my desire to share that gift with my own sons,  and now with my grandgirl. 

"Nites’dreamsloveya. God bless you big!”
In Bliss,  Shugie

“Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything,

but the alpha and omega. An end in itself.” 

— Florentino, Love in the Time of Cholera