I would die! (part 1)

Poor grammar affects me on a visceral level. It just bothers me. When my boys were growing up, we never did the “baby talk” thing. I spoke to them with the King’s English, given that it’s what they would eventually be expected to replicate in their communication. Let’s face it, have you ever heard an adult at Starbucks place an order with, “Me want big girl juice with squirt cream on top, pretty pretty please!” (In the words of Jack McFarland, “I would die. Die, die, die” if one of my offspring sounded so…well…stupid.)

Throughout the boys’ childhoods, I corrected poor grammar repeatedly. So much so, that they coined the nickname “Grammar Nazi” for me. I have to admit, I always smiled a bit when they used it. It just meant that they were paying attention. 

During their high school years, and even into college, the boys came home with stories about teachers using poor grammar (again, they were paying attention…). There is a certain respect that people hold for someone who can communicate well, and once a teacher used poor grammar, that respect level plummeted. Offspring #2 was incensed by an English teacher who said, “We gonna” instead of, “We’re going to.” Offspring #1 silently chides people who reply to, “How are you?” with, “I’m good.”

In a conversation with a friend about this topic, she shared her pet peeve word: flustrated. Do tell… are you flustered, or frustrated?

My parents had a neighbor who would wax on about something and when he had a very important point, would say: “Matter and fact….”

“Anyways” is not a segue statement.

A CNN news anchor used the word “irregardless” last week. Does that mean NOT regardless? Which, would mean regarded? What is this world coming to?!

Grammar in writing is a whole nother issue…(okay, I can’t even do that as a joke). The use of they’re/there/their appears to be a crap shoot in most cases.

Then/than and affect/effect are seemingly used with guesstimation.  To/too/two? The art of texting has taught us to just put a numeral in there and call it good.

A large amount of something is “a lot.” It’s two words. And the crème de la crème is the use of the apostrophe:

I think people should be required to pass a grammar test along with their driver’s license test. Think about it. The average IQ of drivers would increase exponentially! Instead of shouting expletives when someone cuts you off in traffic, one might shout: “I find it irritating that you chose to encroach upon my driving space.” Doesn’t that just sound serene and kind?!!

Is my quest for proper grammar simply elitism at its finest? I don’t think so. As my Dad used to say, “You should be able to hold an intelligent conversation with the President of the United States.” Irregardless.