This one's raw.... proceed with caution

I've been thinking about a topic for my next blog post...  Should I write about the recent layoffs that I had to communicate to dozens of employees?  Should I whine about stupid drivers, and their antics?  How about Snowmaggedon?  Shoes? Hillary? Instagram?  Nope.  Today, I'm going to rant about the nemesis we all share.  The one we try our damndest to avoid, and cringe at the mention of the name.  Yep-- the C word.  Cancer.

I sat in a waiting room with Offspring #2 this week, praying about results.  We were blessed to hear those sacred words:  It's benign.  I let out a sigh of relief, unaware I'd been holding my breath as I heard the news.  Just weeks earlier, I had a similar moment with Longmire when the nurse told us, We got it all.

Cancer is scary, and he shows up in our nightmares. Try as we might to avoid him, time and time again he appears.  When left to his own devices, he takes people we love far too soon.  I never wanted to understand lung cancer, or the ensuing breathing treatments and chemotherapy.  But, I became an expert when Dad was diagnosed.  I know far too much about breast cancer and mastectomies, thanks to Cancer's interaction with my mother.  I know that Co-Worker had no intention of hearing the words Renal Medullary Carcinoma last week, in regard to his 15 year old whose prognosis is 3 months.  And today when one of my YaYa's called to say her husband has terminal pancreatic cancer, I cussed Cancer yet again.  Dealing with Cancer is like being on a train that you cannot get off of.  You didn't buy a ticket.  You never liked trains!  You have no control, and no choice but to become familiar with your particular train.  No one asked your opinion and now you are here for the entire ride, like it or not.  You're not even completely sure where the train ends, or if you'll ever get off of it...

Some time ago, when Mom's cancer was determined to be in remission, one of my sisters suggested buying Mom a coffee cup that says, "F*** Cancer!"  She asked my opinion and wide-eyed I shared that pristine, conservative Mom would have a heart attack at the sight of it!  But today... I'd buy that cup and use it myself!  I'm tired of the C- word and all his machinations.  I'm tired of scheduling, cancelling and rescheduling mammograms out of fear of what I might hear.  I'm tired of phone calls from hurting friends when I know that nothing I say will help. I'm tired of explaining to employees that medical leave will protect your job, but it will not provide compensation during your time away from work.  ...with your daughter  ...who will be gone before her next birthday, or Christmas, or graduation.  I'm tired of looking into those sad, tired eyes that have cried night after night.  And I'm not even the one on the train.

Fuck Cancer.

Seeking Shalom, & coming up short,  ~Shugie