You can't teach an old dog new spacing

Well, it finally happened.  That moment when I have to admit that as an “adult learner,” my OCD for school has officially surpassed the OCD in all other areas of my life.  Ugh.

This is my second week of class in a graduate degree program.  I have no idea why I thought starting school with outrageous tuition costs was a good idea merely two short months after my last tuition payment for Offspring #1.  With Offspring #2 only half way to his degree, I was looking forward to only having one tuition bill for a change, thus a little extra change in my pocket (In Shugie land, that translates to: shoes in closet).

Though the idea of graduate school intimidated me terribly, I refused to let that fear paralyze me.  I told myself over and over that I’m not the first forty-something to do this! Although the class is a concentrated eight-week term, I determined that as long as I stayed on top of the reading and assignments it would be fine.  Every night after work I’ve come home and grabbed something to eat as I headed to the office upstairs.  Each night after scads of reading and research, I headed to bed only to start the routine over the next day. 

Last night I decided to get started on a relatively short paper and would finish writing it later in the weekend.  First I found the information for the APA format necessary for this paper.  I created a template using that format to save time when starting future papers- pretty smart if you ask me, MISS ADULT LEARNER.  I remembered that a colleague had shown me a shortcut regarding the formatting so I emailed him with a question. I then began researching journal articles. 

Hours later, my paper was nearly complete (I am now a veritable expert on talent management and succession planning). However, the spacing on the document was off.  I cut and pasted it to a new doc- no luck.  I retyped.  No luck.  I even googled “Why is the spacing off on my Word doc?”  No luck.  This is the moment I decided that I was going to win.  I’m a freaking graduate student after all, and I should be able to figure out how to space a Word doc according to APA formatting.  I check my email- Colleague has replied, but with a question.  I look at the clock and it’s after 1a.m.  I hesitate for only a moment before replying to his email, praying that his phone/email isn’t next to his bed where he and his wife are sleeping---- like all the other normal people on the planet. 

There is a moment when I consider that leaving the paper “as is” is probably good enough.  Surely the instructor won’t dock me too much for this issue.  There was a time in my younger learning years when I would have been satisfied with this and walked away.  Clearly, that time was when someone else was paying my tuition bill.  Now….my tightwad inner OCD just can’t leave it at that.  I cut/paste/space/swear all over again a few more times, only to come to the obvious conclusion:  I’ll ask my college graduate to fix it tomorrow.

I crawl in bed just before 3a.m. thinking that my bed has never felt so comfortable.  I don’t have to be up early, and anyone who knows me, knows that Saturday mornings are my haven.  I’m rarely vertical before 9:00 and don’t communicate until after 10:30.  Love. Saturday.  Mornings.  I toss and turn, still trying to discern what the problem in the spacing of the document could possibly be.  At 4:30, I’m sure I haven’t slept at all until I realize that it must only be a dream that the instructor said he hates my paper and I should quit while I’m ahead.  Surely he didn’t mean that my reference page sucked just because he personally dislikes the people who wrote the articles I’ve cited in references #1, 2, and 4 (yes, I dream in this much detail).  I decide I’m losing my mind, and pull the blankets over my head as I roll over. 

A woodpecker starts hammering on the side of the house just after daylight.  Ordinarily this sound is infuriating to me, as I picture the damage being done to my house.  I don’t even care this morning and place the pillow over my head in a lame attempt to go back to sleep.  At 7:30, I irritatingly give up.  I get out of bed, pad down the hall to the office and turn the computer on.  My first thought is to wonder what time Offspring #1 will be up this morning so he can tell me what an idiot I am as he fixes the spacing issue in twelve seconds. 

Good God in heaven, I hope I don't have to be medicated before I finish this degree.  This is going to be a long 2 years….

In Bliss (and fatigue), Shugie