Womenomics

I was at the bookstore last night. Though this will come as no shock, I could spend hours in a bookstore. I peruse the aisles and somehow feel enlightened just by being in the presence of these books- any of which could be my own, just for the swipe of my debit card. Often, I find a book that I’m irritated by. A Thousand Little Things You’d Never Otherwise Know. Okay, REALLY??? My first thought is: I could spend 30 minutes on the internet, find a whole bunch of useless facts, put them in a book with a goofy picture on each facing page, and then charge $12.99 for this nonsense. Why do I work a 40-hour per week job?? My second thought: If I’ve lived half a century not knowing these “little things,” is it really worth $12.99 to learn about them now…given that I’ve ignorantly been fine up to this point not knowing them? And finally: This author is a freakin’ genius! And down the next aisle I go.

Last night a book entitled, Womenomics caught my attention. Paging through the book, I understood the concept of womenomics to be “the paradigm shift in the way individuals and companies approach work, due to an increase in value of women in the workforce, and the changing attitudes of women towards priorities of balancing work and personal life.” As I typed the title into my iPhone for my next blog post (so as not to forget the exact spelling), I smiled and thought to myself, Yea whatever…

Womenomics in reality is the science of the way the female species encourages and sustains our great American economy. The land of the free, home of the brave, and importer of Christian Louboutin shoes. We can justify purchases that make a man shake his head in frustration (if he’s smart enough to keep his opinions inside his mouth). For instance, my friend Ellen and I just had an intense, almost spiritual conversation about this very thing. Sometimes when I’m out shopping (“retail therapy” for you hip folks) the PERFECT pair of shoes jumps out. They’re a little spendy, but after that llloooonnnggg meeting today, and the fact that I had to go to the DMV and stand in line for 45 minutes, and it’s raining outside which is really messing with my look today… I deserve these shoes. So I pull out my buddy Mr. Master Card, and they are mine. The world is a now a better place. I have done my tiny little part to pull our country out of this recession. As I walk out of the shoe department swinging my you-wish-you-had-some shoes, I know that I do not have a thing in my closet to wear with them. Here’s the part the guys will never understand: This is okay! It’s simply the good Lord’s way of telling me that I need a new outfit! I have to admit it’s a great feeling to know that my maker is so in sync with my closet.

Long ago my mother taught me the rules of shopping. I was married at the time and had spent our young children’s college education at the mall that day. Knowing that my husband would be less than understanding about this therapeutic mother-daughter bonding spree, I was having severe buyer’s remorse. Mother sat me down and explained, “Oh Honey, you don’t show him ALL of your purchases today- only a few. Take the tags off of the rest. As you wear them and he asks if it’s new, you can honestly say, ‘No…I’ve had this in the closet for some time.’ “ My mother is brilliant, and I’m sure that just as she told me when I was a little girl, there are shopping malls in heaven and credit cards there have no repayment necessary.

Womenomics involves pampering necessities. I’d rather survive on Ramen noodles every day than give up my manicures and pedicures (come to think of it, I’ve probably done just that). There’s nothing like walking into the salon and hearing someone scream across the room in a Vietnamese accent, “Pick a color!” It makes me feel like even they know that it’s all about me. Sitting in that chair having my calves massaged, I hear women chatter in a tone that sounds like chickens squawking. Though they think I don’t know what they are saying, I know they are verbally coveting my bag with the you-wish-you-had-some shoes, so I smile and close my eyes. As my eyes roll back in my head, I silently wonder what these women do for their weekly pampering and then quickly decide that they probably actually like Ramen noodles, so however it is that they get pampered, they don’t have to sacrifice to support the economy of this great nation like I do. I almost break out into America the Beautiful right there.

Womenomics includes things like paying for the expensive shampoo that makes my hair shine a little extra because the skinny blonde on the commercial said it would. It’s paying $12 for a pair of panties because they make me feel good. It’s getting the $50 moisturizer because the woman at the sales counter looked 25 years old and told me that she’s 60! I love this country!

I’d like to say that “life is really about character, not image.” But, in this down economy, I want to do my part. So I have my colorist on speed dial, and a glass of Italian wine in my well-manicured hand. God Bless America.